I just finished Music Festival weekend, so I should feel a whole load off of my chest, right? Then why do I feel like things are even more difficult? Why is it harder for me to plan my lessons and pick music? Why am I thinking about packing up and shipping out?
Do I really want to be a music teacher?
Why did I choose this job in the first place?
I want to be a good music teacher. I want to have a successful classroom, where students enjoy coming, where they focus on making music. I want to have a successful program, where the band and the choir are filled out with students who know what they are doing. I want a curriculum where the students learn what's important about music, where all students are successful.
Do I really want to be a music teacher? Well, what else could I be? I have devoted nine years to the profession. It's not like I can make very much money being a performer, not that I would want that type of lifestyle in the first place. I don't think that any other job is free from stress, at least none that would help me provide for a family. It's not that I mind teaching music, it's just that I don't like feeling like a failure. I don't like free days, or musical chairs, and I don't like my students to think that music is boring. I need a curriculum. I need to be able to plan lessons. I need to see the big picture at all times, and then focus on the little details. And that's not even going into the social aspect.
Why do some of my students torment me? It bothers me so when any student struggles, but it bothers me more when they take an attitude with me or one another. I'm always asking myself what I should have done or what I should do in any tough situation. Why does it have to be so complicated? Why do they act the way that they do? And is it my responsibility to teach them how to act?
I chose this job because I like music and because I like teaching. I think that I am good at both. Maybe its the scope of K-12 that is daunting to me. I know that if I only had one student, that I would be very good at teaching them. Maybe I should look into being a private teacher? But then I would have to find students and who knows what my income would be. I'll keep being a music teacher, and I'll keep working on a curriculum.